Regarding dissertation comments, the following is what my dissertation advisor has sent me as a reply to my first draft. Took me a lot of time to address it. Btw - I wrote this myself (I'd never use an Ukrainian research service).
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Note to academic advisors:
1. There are highlighted two colors. The first indicates another option for title, and the rest indicates that you have the option to include them in the paper or not. These are the portions that contained comments from the instructor but which i believe are still relevant because supplemental information had already been provided through the revision.
2. We can go deeper into phenomenology and qualitative approach but i had already exceeded the initial revision estimates, not to include the research conducted to replace the dated sources that the paper initially had.
3. I did not touch the annotated bibliography, as there was no mention of this in your instructions. There are several things to repair in there, and added ones for the new sources i provided. If you want the annotations fixed, I will provide a new bid for this part of the work.
Thanks.
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I attached a document to my last email with comments about what needed to be addressed. However, I will attach it to this and highlighting the specifics changes requested by the graduate school that were inadequately addressed below. I really had faith that this would be a good experience the first time. Now I will miss my benchmark. I have three days (Aug. 18) to get this addressed, read it for myself and compare it what I submitted before I am faced with a reprimand from the graduate school. I certainly hope that the writer will not only write but have the wherewithal to edit.
I assure you that I am not trying to be difficult, but public relations and customer service in education is my profession. I take both very seriously especially when my hard earned money is involved.
GS Dissertation Reviewer:"Here, and throughout doctoral writing, avoid use of direct quotations and paraphrase instead. Direct quotations are used only when paraphrasing would change the writer's intent."
Rewrite: There are direct quotations that should be paraphrased on the following pages: 13, 23, 25, 28, 29, 34, 35
GS Dissertation Reviewer:"The purpose sentence will appear numerous places in the dissertation and the student should give consideration to revising the 2 highlighted sentences to form a single, concise sentence of study purpose."
Rewrite: The purpose statement is note a single, concise sentence. It contains four distinct research questions which are restated under that section. Clearly, the questions should be taken out and the sentence restated in a concise manner as asked the graduate school.
GS Dissertation Reviewer:"Provide appropriate foundational support for the proposed study approach; Qualitative research authors include Shank: "Qualitative Research: A Personal Skills Approach," and Patton: "Qualitative Research and Evaluation Methods." [Note: Avoid introductory research design and analysis descriptions as well as excessive reference to textbook authors such as Creswell, Trochim & Donnelly, or Gal, Gall & Borg.] Authorities on phenomenology include Moustakas, Hussrl, and Giorgi."
Rewrite (p29): The writer did not use any of the authorities on phenomenology as requested by the graduate school. The only mention of Moustakas was in the original document I submitted. They asked for Hussl and Giorgi and that's what they want. Using Wertz and Earle are fine, but it does not satisfy the graduate school's request.
