Hi guys,
I was wondering if you could go trough my essay and give me the positive and the negative points of essay.
one more thing, in your opinion, what score this essay deserve to be given in IELTS exam?
Modern technology is now very common in the most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?
introducing new technology at work

In the new millennium, the majority of workplaces have vastly been equipped with the technology devices. These devices have improved productivity and also facilitated works, although, from my standpoint, heavy-reliance on technology in the workplace leads to difficulties for societies and firms themselves.
It can be stated that utilizing technology has received wide currency in the place we work, especially in the industrial area. An array of workplaces, these days, ranging from food factories to car manufactures, has been rationalized and improved their efficiency, meaning that fewer workforce are needed to work. Not only does this rationalization created by technology enhance the output, but it also diminishes the production cost. Furthermore, thanks to state-of-the-art computer devices, almost all of the documentation can be archived virtually with ease in just, for instance, 300 grams hard disk. Consequently, less space is needed to store papers in the workplaces, and the information is easily accessible as well.
Nevertheless, heavy dependence on technology in the workplaces can cause some problems in terms of job security and accessibility to the information. The main problem stemming from this great reliance is increasing joblessness. The more workplaces are rationalized by technological equipment, the fewer workers are required, and this results in more employees are made redundant, accelerating the rate of unemployment. Besides, as all the technology devices are entirely dependent on electricity, during the power outage, the information is inaccessible or even worse may be lost.
To sum up, in view of the above mentioned, there is no doubt that technology enhances the productivity and makes gathering and accessing the information easier. However, by my reckoning, over-reliance on technology can be unreliable and also cause joblessness.