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Posts by amirebmm / Posting Activity: 1
I am: Student / Iran (Islamic Republic of) 
Joined: Dec 04, 2017
Last Post: Dec 25, 2017
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amirebmm   
Dec 25, 2017

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

I was wondering if you could suggest that how I can improve my essay and what are the problems regarding the essay above
how frustrating can be if you post on such site and see nobody care about your demand!
Thank you all!

Todays SuccessDiscuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no doubt that children should gain high competence in a wide range of skills in their formative age to be successful in adult age. While some people believe that persuading a child to have a competitive spirit is necessary for their adult life, others think that it would be better to improve co-operative attitudes. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will consider now.

On the one hand, supporters of increasing sense of competition among children highlight the fact that human-beings naturally have a sense of predominance of their fellow-man. This feeling has become accelerated as we now live in a competitive world era. As a result, by encouraging them to develop this sense, they will be able to keep up with the fast-changing world. Moreover, the more placed in a competitive situation, the more children seem to be more self-directed. In fact, they will be able to handle issues faced, making them more self-reliant.

On the other hand, those who advocate for instilling group-working abilities claim that having interpersonal skills not only is needed in today`s workplace but also in personal life. Gone are the days when people run a business by themselves, and now group-working has become a lifeblood of every job. Besides, if children do not develop their interaction behaviors gained in group-working activities, they may suffer from a sense of alienation and loneliness in their adulthood.

In conclusion, preparing children for adulthood and developing various abilities for their future life is inevitable. From my standpoint, it may be better if a combination of skills, ranging from competitive spirit to have a sense of cooperation, are learned by children to achieve success in every aspect of adult life.
amirebmm   
Dec 08, 2017

@FreelanceWriter

At first, I should mention this fact that I never had a sense of being insulted by your opinion.
When you set time aside in order to inform me, (to me)it means that your intentions are beyond question.
I am not "thin-skinned" and content with any suggestion a well-wisher like you is to give me.
As you told, definitely my written English has many problems.
Again you are right! I have thought my writing is much better than it really is.
Please go through my essay again, telling me about my mistakes as much as you can.
It would highly be difficult for a second-language learner (like me)to correct mistakes such as word-choices, verb tenses or even sentence structures just by myself.

I am waiting for your tips and believe it or not, you are the only trainer for me at these days.
Thanks again.

One more thing, could you make suggestion that how can I enhance the skill of composing more correct sentences? I mean the exercises that I can do daily.
amirebmm   
Dec 05, 2017

@FreelanceWriter
First I have to express my thanks for your following up my essay. Regarding your effective clues, I was wondering if you could explain more about this sentence

" You probably know this, so there's no reason to pick apart your grammar and vocabulary choices"
Thanks
amirebmm   
Dec 04, 2017

Hi guys,
I was wondering if you could go trough my essay and give me the positive and the negative points of essay.
one more thing, in your opinion, what score this essay deserve to be given in IELTS exam?

Modern technology is now very common in the most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

introducing new technology at work



Technology-Workplace-EducationIn the new millennium, the majority of workplaces have vastly been equipped with the technology devices. These devices have improved productivity and also facilitated works, although, from my standpoint, heavy-reliance on technology in the workplace leads to difficulties for societies and firms themselves.

It can be stated that utilizing technology has received wide currency in the place we work, especially in the industrial area. An array of workplaces, these days, ranging from food factories to car manufactures, has been rationalized and improved their efficiency, meaning that fewer workforce are needed to work. Not only does this rationalization created by technology enhance the output, but it also diminishes the production cost. Furthermore, thanks to state-of-the-art computer devices, almost all of the documentation can be archived virtually with ease in just, for instance, 300 grams hard disk. Consequently, less space is needed to store papers in the workplaces, and the information is easily accessible as well.

Nevertheless, heavy dependence on technology in the workplaces can cause some problems in terms of job security and accessibility to the information. The main problem stemming from this great reliance is increasing joblessness. The more workplaces are rationalized by technological equipment, the fewer workers are required, and this results in more employees are made redundant, accelerating the rate of unemployment. Besides, as all the technology devices are entirely dependent on electricity, during the power outage, the information is inaccessible or even worse may be lost.

To sum up, in view of the above mentioned, there is no doubt that technology enhances the productivity and makes gathering and accessing the information easier. However, by my reckoning, over-reliance on technology can be unreliable and also cause joblessness.