I apologise if someone already pointed this out (I skipped all the Ling 101 garbage), but for a thesis you may be able to hire a statistician quite legitimately. When I was doing my honours dissertation I was initially going to use statistical analysis and it was quite acceptable with my (Australian) university to farm out the SPSS work, provided I did the research and analysis of results myself. I would guess that most social science academics don't know their way around stats - especially stats software - beyond a general interpretation of results, so most journal articles would get done that way.

If you really want to go with a ghost writer, they wouldn't need to know stats. You could probably get a post-grad stats student to do it for you fairly cheaply if you just feed them the data.

If I were a student looking for more than a 50/50 shot at a pass, I'd want a writer who gets paid a lot more than that. 24$ for a 2,000 word essay? I have a BA with first class honours and an MA - I could hack out 2,000 words in about an hour, but unless it was a subject I knew well it would be absolute rubbish. Who do you think is going to take that sort of work?