I will go to the pub tonight and fight my buyfriend. Update soon.

Sorry, you're right. Completely right. Please don't change.

Sorry, but "you" are wrong.

God's Away on Business.

I agree. Umar Daud is clearly not a real person, it's the wind-up of the century.

er, huh?

Okay, is this some kind of Andy Kaufman-style wind-up? Whose Tony Clifton is Umar Daud?

Maybe you're right. Maybe I should quit the day-job and become a professional Umar Daud.

Seriously?

Did you get that from a Disney film? "If you hold on to your dreams, Ariel, you can achieve anything". True and false at the same time. Don't rely on it, and don't try to make a living from it, unless you're a cartoon fish.


I don't think it's abuse for the sake of abuse. This is a message board about people charging money for their professional writing services. It's therefore perfectly acceptable to call people out when they're trying to make a living doing something for which they're clearly unsuited.

I'm a good teacher, therefore I teach. I'm quite good at writing, but I'd never try to make a living from it. I'm not a good car mechanic, therefore I don't fix cars. Sorry, but nothing in your posts would persuade me to part with a penny for your writing services. Quite the reverse.

I would love to be a good writer. I'm merely adequate. Bummer. I moved on. Fun times.

That might be the truest thing I've ever seen on this site.

1. Student gives in decent essays in pidgin English.

2. Student suddenly gives in essays in very very good English, completely different style to before.

3. Yours truly smells a rat.

Having said that, the whiff of rat is fairly commonly discussed where I work, but almost no-one is ever brave enough to come out and accuse a student. Including me :(


You're right, some ESL writers can write very well. But some are Umar Daud.

Egad! If you ever spot a blue Fiat that smells of peanuts, with a heavily modified Garfield toy stuck to the back window...

Long drive, certainly, but why drive when you can take the Tube? Uxbridge is technically in London, and is on the Piccadilly line. I went there once, but I can't remember why.

They're legally obliged to cancel the charge to your card, but only if you also send them your bank details, including home address, phone number, passwords, and those of as many of your close friends and family as you can manage.

Bit of a weird rule, but there you go...

Hmm, I guess they could claim that they started writing Ukraine but fell asleep after 2 letters and forgot to finish when they woke up...

When I saw 'The art of relieving stu' on their header, I thought they were offering a very highly targeted prostitution service. Then I saw the 'dent's pain' bit on the other side of the logo. All very confusing.

And yet ukrainianessays.com is for some reason unregistered...

I just had this image of all the people who post on here regularly and have 'encountered' Modmuff having to go and give evidence. Now THAT would be a potentially awkward social situation...

I used you as an example in a debate last night, in a pub, about how people behave online. You can guess the rest.

How many words / pages was that for?

Quiet, or the bread will get offended:

The only way to tell most of these threads apart is by the title.

Even a stopped clock...

Forgive my ignorance, but I thought essay sites were banned on Google?

Have you listened to the audio message on their homepage?

It's brilliant, though quite bad quality sound. At one point, I'm sure he promises "in-death research"...

Reminds me of a conversation I overheard a few years back in a corridor:

STRESSED STUDENT: I handed in my essay yesterday but I've realised I should have used a different font, could I get it back from you and change it?

STRESSED LECTURER: No, **** off.

I think '**** off' about 100 times every day when dealing with whining students, but I've never actually said it. Yet.

I was skeptical at first, but I looked into it and, yes, that's Muhammad. I phoned up to check, and he told me he'd been looking for a way to make some extra bucks recently. I asked if his essays were any good, and he shouted 'I pity the fool!' before hanging up. Which, come to think of it, is what Mr. T says, not Muhammad. But anyway, I digress. I ordered a paper and it turned up a few days later, bang on time, although it was all curled up at the edges and did appear to have been used in a sex act.

I handed the paper in and went to a bar, where I felt very smart having avoided doing any work and only paying '1.50 for a 20-page essay. Woe for me, though, 'cause my tutor marched in and dragged me out by the ear, shouting 'What the bleedin' 'ell do you think you're doing, handing in this load of sh***?'. So it turned out the paper was only worthy of an F+ and I decided to phone Mr. Ali up and give him a piece of my tongue.

The moral of this story is: don't buy cheap essays from retired boxers with medical problems. I asked the bank to reverse the charge, but they said they couldn't help because I'd paid by posting cash in an envelope to a house in Hull, which is where Muhammad lives now. For anyone who doesn't know, Hull is in the North of England and widely known as the Monaco of Yorkshire, which is odd since Monaco is wealthy and sunny, and Hull is not. Anyway, I digress. Muhammad said I'd have to buy a refund ticket for '5, so I posted that off and I will keep you updated.

And now, in an attempt to keep this on-topic, relevant and - most importantly - on the board, I note that essay alliance has stopped working. Perhaps Mr. punched the keyboard too many times, mistaking it for his maid's head, and mistaking his fist for his voice, and thought he was talking to her about some kites.

Please don't delete this just because it's off-topic. It's more relevant than the thousands of posts by you know who, who seems very upset about you know what, and whose dog-walking business in Oz seems to be going down the pan x

Unless things have changed recently, I don't think you can do that. Not with direct payments (e.g. BACS, CHAPS). However, credit card payments you should be able to reverse.

However, it's maybe still worth persisting with the bank. Perhaps you can file a complaint, and if enough other people do it, the bank will investigate, and probably close their account. Banks in the UK (and many other countries) have to comply with very strict anti-money laundering legislation, so if you give them genuine cause to worry about an account holder, they WILL take action.

Come back and tell us when (if) you get a result!

EDIT: Also come back and tell me if I'm talking out of my **** and don't know what I'm on about!

That site has a very inspiring and empowering blog:

theessay.co.uk/blog/

I particularly like what they have to say about the importance of expressing your dreams when you write an essay. Why, just this morning I gave someone a 3rd because he did virtually no research on the subject, and offered no analytical insight. But now I think I'll go back and give him a 1st, 'cause clearly, when he handed it in expecting a good grade, he was dreaming...

FFS, there are so many errors on the Masteressayuk homepage, it beggars belief that anyone would take them seriously. And that's before you consider their "string of writers", which sounds a little like soap on a rope, or some kind of niche po movie.

They were ***** *** and I ******** my ****. Seriously. When I tried to *******, they ******* a ***** and **********-****** with a ******, as if that was going to *********. I'd definitely recommend you. lol

That's not really fair. Oxbridge Expert, Liebuster and Jennifer199 are all just as deserving of insults!

Oh, hang on...

Can you sue someone for libel if they falsely accuse you of libel? Defamation of character?

So, back to the subject at hand... Displaying a business address doesn't really indicate authenticity.

For one thing, the internet is awash with companies offering proxy business addresses. I could set myself up as a dry cleaning company in Panama right now, with a Panamanian mailing address n' everything. It'd probably cost me about £30.

I could also use a proxy domain registrar to register my dry cleaning company, even a Panamanian proxy, so your Who.is search wouldn't really get you very far.

In other words, identifying the true location of an online company is tricky. Not impossible, but tricky. And the address they paste on their homepage really is irrelevant in terms of knowing where they're really based. However, I truly believe it's possible to trace any site, if you keep going long enough.

When did I libel anyone? Show me one example & I'll apologise.


I can read AND write. At the same time. With one hand. And I'm not a boy - I don't have those dangly things they have between their legs.


I didn't mention PO boxes. I wasn't talking about PO boxes. You're right, many legitimate companies use them in the UK. But I wasn't talking about them. Maybe you should learn how to read, boy.


You've tried to bring down WB so many times, don't you think that if it was gonna happen, you'd have done it by now? Anyway, it's not my job to post evidence about WB & co., and I believe WB and 'her followers' are right more often than they're wrong. But my post was nothing to do with them. Maybe you've just got a one-track mind. Anyway, always nice to have a constructive disagreement, eh, baby doll?

Not defending that site at all, but it's not so uncommon in the UK for a big company with a very conspicuous office to leave the building number off it's address.

e.g. Time Warner, Goodge Street, London.

It's kind of a status thing, in many ways. It makes it seem that the company's office dominates a street.

Sadly, though, I doubt that's what's happening with dissertation writer...


Proof, if proof were needed, of the inverse relationship between coherence and the use of bold / uppercase text.

Good comeback.

So do you?

I think I said that to a girl at a party once...

Brutal.

Were you writing essays in English?